Heeeyyyyy Fan's :)
As someone who was once a strict and religious PUA, i can tell you that i know exactly what you go through when you get into this. You read The Game, you tried some stuff out, you joined some forums, found some like minded people and then....you got to a stage where you you kept reading and reading every day new techniques by top MPUA's and coaches out there. This PUA world has millions AND MILLIONS of tips techniques and tricks to get the women you want. It also has alot of fake guy's who are in it for the money and post up fake video's and try and sell you their e-book's using lines like.....
'Look, I've picked up over 3,632 women' .......and ....'get a womens phone number in 60 seconds' and............. 'My dating formula can work for ANY guy regardless of his looks, age, or income" ( Taken from Paul Janka's web page on September, 2009).
There is also the type who are good but are in it for the money, this would be people like Mystery, Love System's and any company teaching Structured Game and Routines. Why do i think they are in it for the money? 1 reason...They dont care about you...They teach you to become a good Actor with women by telling you to use prescripted material and do things that give the perception of something real but are not... AND...They charge amounts such as $3000 for a bootcamp per person. Another reason is that they exploit the need for men to reproduce by teaching them something that is DESIGNED TO WORK but will not help them in the long run as a person. Here is something i wrote on the PUA Aristocracy Discussion Board recently:
"PUA techniques, for example one's made by Mystery.... are designed TO WORK. They are designed to get results. They may involve doing things that are not real and considered fake. But they get results. Which is why the PUA world has become more about business than real success. If you can guarantee someone a 99% certainty that something will work, you will pay the money for it.
What makes the business PUA world even worse is that we are designed to have the need to reproduce....meaning that if our life does not have this need fulfilled....then we will pay shit loads of money to get it. We pay alot for what we need.
So the combination of the need to reproduce and the finding's of flaw's in people's mental behaviour are the reason's why PUA is more a business.
I always get e-mail's and hear of guys who are in debt by 1000's because they have wasted their money on bootcamps and 1 to 1's. There is actually a PUA coach out there by the name of Ace who charges $10,000 for 3 hour's of his time."
This is just a few reason's why i believe the PUA and Dating industry to be corrupt, another reason is that....when you are out on a bootcamp or 1 to 1, the trainer's will make it so that you will have incredible success on that night by hiring girl's to come out with you or getting you a vip table in a club with loads of drinks.. HOWEVER....when you go back home and start your day the next day, nothing has really changed, you may even be back to where you were before. Its not because you dont have the girl's or vip table, its because most coaches do not know how to enact lasting change in someones brain. They try and change a person by exposing them to new (fake) experiences. But this is WRONG because their success, self belief and view's of the world will be dependent on the outside world when it should be dependent on their internal world. Its wrong because as soon as they have bad experiences they will start to get negative beliefs again and be back to where they were when they started. Lasting change is done by reshaping someones beliefs and how they view the world by changing how they THINK, not by what they do. You change how they think and THAT will change what they do.
Basically...the PUA and Dating world is fucked up. Last summer i thought, how could i help it? How could i save it? Simple....delete everything i have ever read about PUA out of my brain and out of my life and then go out and find out for myself what works and what doesnt. I unsubscribed from newsletters, forums and anything related to PUA and i started my own blog and began writing away. So now i want to write everything(well nearly!!) in one article and hopefully give you the most complete ideology you will ever need to improve with women. Here it goes :)
MY SYSTEM TO IMPROVE WITH WOMEN
I want everyone to bare in mind that before all this, before all my PUA year's...i was already successful and good with women.
So, what is the best way to be successful with women? Over the last 6 month's i believe i have discovered that. My system relies on Pillar's and Principles. Also I wanted to create something which was not specific or rigid, but General, in other word's my system is about 'chunking up' to the most most basic ideas. I didnt want to create structures, i wanted people to read it and be creative. I wanted people to give the most general concepts possible that all regular PUA system's fall under.
First of all the Principles....
Principle Number 1 - Generate Positive Emotion's
Why this Principle? Well what does every single routine and attraction switch have in common? It makes the girl feel positive in some way, shape or form. THATS IT. Being funny makes her feel positive, being confident makes her feel positive, being higher value makes her feel positive. Nothing is done to make her feel negative, hell the backbone of Speed Seduction is to tap into her unconscious mind to get her to feel positive emotions and state's. Women and people are attracted to Positive Emotions, anything that makes us Feel Good, we will always want. We want money because we think money leads to happiness. Girl's want guy's with women BECAUSE MONEY = HAPPINESS. So simply put.....generate positive emotions in a girl and she will be attracted to you.
Principle Number 2 - Get more Experience
When most guy's enter the community they usually have one thing in common.....LACK OF EXPERIENCE. Guy's can be bad with women because of a bad of experience they had with women which now holds them back, they now have a lack experience because they have low confidence with women, and they have low confidence with women because of the bad experience that held them back from more experience (hope that made sense) As i outlined here, guy's who get into this are battling against the year's they lost by not sorting this part of their life out. And one of the worst things they do when they finally get the courage to talk to women in clubs because they discovered PUA techniques is....meet 10-20 girls a night AND only approach good looking ones. Read the article for more info, every natural has 1 thing in common, they have more experience. So meeting 10-20 a night is pointless, as i said in the article you can meet hundreds a night. Also the reason why its bad to approach good looking girls (10's) is that their inner psychology is different to most other girls so trying to talk to them will be pointless because they wont talk for long and they wont talk much so you wont improve by talking to them because they wont respond normally (this is not the same for every girl, just the average). So....get more experience, you need it.
Principle Number 3 - Discover how you learn
The most important thing to know when doing a new task, subject, degree or anything is to know how you yourself learn best. Funnily enough they do not teach this in the educational system, probably because teachers would become obsolete if people could learn for themselves. We all learn in different way's, the naughty kid in the class isn't really naughty, he is just bored because the teacher is not teaching the way he would like. Some of us work best by reading, some by listening, some by doing, everybody is different. You have to figure out how you learn best or everything i am saying will be pointless. With this type of thing though....you have to do more doing than anything else.
Right...now for the Pillar's, the Pillar's are simply skill's you need to improve to do well with women and people in general.
Skill Pillar 1 - The ability to approach any women you desire.
Right, why is this important? Firstly, the average guy who gets into this has alot of problem's internally inside his mind including negative beliefs, anxieties and phobia's that stop him from approaching women. The hardest thing for most guys who are not in the community and are average guys in general is actually making the approach, its mad!! Also...look at what i wrote.....the ability to approach any women YOU DESIRE. You see so many guy's out there who can approach a girl here and a girl there, but as soon as they see one they really like, they may not or get nervous doing so. We as people are always anxious of going for what we truly want. We dont want to chance our big dream and fail. To take wherever you go the ability to approach something you desire whenever you want is POWERFUL. To develop your brain to go for what you really want will also transcend into other area's of your life, you will have the neurological resources to be able to go for anything you truly want.
Skill Pillar 2 - The ability to communicate with the women in front of you.
Ok get comfy for this one :)
Every single PUA routine, tip or trick all do one thing.............It communicates something to the girl. Whether you turn to the side when you approach or touch her or pause when you speak or ask her whether she likes pigeon's, it all fall's under communication. That's what all this is, communication skills. But it goes deeper, its not just you communicating something to her, its making sure you know what she is trying to communicate to you. If you get last minute resistance when you try and kiss her or shag her, its because you failed to see that its not what she wanted OR you failed to show her its what you wanted therefore meaning she wouldn't show you she didn't want it because she didn't know its what you wanted (hope you got all that). Communication is everything, you have to listen to what the girl in front of you is saying and respond effectively. But its also more, you have to also make sure that when you approach and begin to communicate that you are moving towards your goal with her. It doesn't matter whether your goal is to be friends with her or shag her or marry her or to talk as long as possible because you want to improve communicating, you have to make sure what you are doing moves towards it. Remember that communicating is down to your Body, your tonality and your words. As most people know though...what you do with your body and your tonality accouts for around 90% of the whole interaction. Practising communicating is the more important skill here, you can approach all day long but if you cant communicate well then you have no chance. Conversations are a value exchange and you have to make sure you give value and also receive. I see too many people in the world who cant have a proper conversation; they wait for their chance to talk, they respond to what someone has said using "I" all the time in their sentence's (example can be found here), they do not interact enough as in they do not connect and try and share the experience that the person is trying to convey. AND they cant even free associate topics and words being said or use wordplay, simile's or sexual innuendo's.
Now....again look at what i wrote above....the ablilty to communicate with the women IN FRONT OF YOU. The reason why i said this is simple, it is a FACT, thats right a FACT that every single person living or dead is different in some way, even twins. Why? Because every person goes through different experiences in their life and their experiences will shape who they are (Unless you are a SuperHuman) As i outlined in my most famous article, every single person is different, which means that to use a routine or have a social belief is actually stupid and illogical. The worst is when guy's dont approach women because they had a bad experience in the past. Unfortunately we relate the present to the past, we relate what we have experienced to what we are currently about to tackle. With people, nothing is certain, there are too many variable factor's when dealing with people that cant be accounted for. All you should do is deal with them when they happen. I say time and time again to never ever eeeeevvverrrr read books on PUA and dating because every thing you read is based on the experiences of the person who wrote it. Any technique presupposes a definite result, which is obviously impossible basing on what i just said. Its second hand knowledge, plus the person could live in a different country, city or planet (i'm pretty sure Mystery is from Mars). Every community is different, for example in some European countries there is a different 'Personal Space' mark, so when guy's from Italy and Spain go to the UK and chat up women they may be mistaken for being pervy or only after one thing, when they may not be.
The only thing that is real in this world is what you see in front of you, only believe that. Don't believe what a guy told you to do on some forum, don't believe what mystery says on his TV show. Believe your own experiences. Your perception decides what is real. There is no right or wrong, its only whats right or wrong TO YOU.
There is so much more i could talk about, each Pillar and Principle could have an article each (funnily enough most of them do...make sure you click on the ones i linked in). All i really want from anyone reading this to realise is that, to be successful with not just women but anything....you have to do something you are not currently doing. The classic saying do what you have always done and you will get what you have always got is so so true. The unconscious mind likes 'status quo' it likes routine and keeping things how they are, it uses more energy to deal with change. But if who you are now is not who you want to be....then you have to block your unconscious mind out. You have to go out and do something new, see what happens. Something which i pride myself in having the ability to do is being able to try anything new. I get excited at trying something new. As soon as you all realise that you can change yourself to be anything you want to be if you change what you are doing and thinking....then and only then will you be successful.
Impossible is fucking Nothing :)
Thanks to anyone who has read this, if you would like to contact me about anything feel free to at sam@howtochangelifenow.com.
Take care.
Sam Ben-David
www.howtochangelifenow.com
Tags: Mystery Pua Dating Advice Dating Advice For Men Communication Skills
