Ill get to the piont. Im stopping with sarging, until somthing with me chnages.
Latly ive been trying to see everything in a positive light, despite sometimes having an empty feeling, Id always see the "bright" side.
Reality I think caught up with me. The last few months was supposed to be a new start for me. No family was around, no old friends. I basically dedicated this year to improove myself.
Maybe its cause my mum is back visiting that I feel so shitty. She pionted out some reality which lead me to realisations, non that I could sugar coat.
I keep in contact with 3 friends. With two of them I dont even share alot, basically jsut good company. Two of them live abroad now and msn is the only means, and the other lives in another city with his own life. Not only am I less well connected, Im connected to even less people.
Whislt going out, ive met loads and loads of people. How many would I consider real friends? ...0.
On average how many times do I feel lonley a week? Everytime I dont go out. I am slightly more social in the day but thats on a extreamly superficial level.
How often do I really feel a connection with someone? Once, only once do I belive it was genuine, and ive lost contact with her.
Socially Im in a worse state than before. My income is now a mess, ive lost alot of passion for music which i used to have, im even more lonely and depressed.
Ive done many amazing things (for my standards) in the last few months. This has lead me to be a more all round confident person, in a bar. A strong realisation maybe the most important is that, nightlife, is not life. Unfortunatly thats how i saw it.
I need sometime out, to rethink my goals, and ways to get my life in general, filled with adventure, passion, and connection. And not only in a rather "fake" part of my life.
All these realisations just came to me after I was questioned today "what do you do with your time?" I entered a spiral of shit, just an hour ago I was crying in my bed.
I need to find what makes me happy, I thought PUA did, and it fdoes, but only when I go out and sarge. Theres got to be somthing more for me, somthing more for me to discover, somthing that will truly add somthing to myself. I basically just need to get my life in order, and genuinly be satisfied before I get back into PUA or anything as such. Some call this innergame, if its innergame, I will sort this out, and Ill be right back here when Im done!
Tags: Leaving Savil
