The boyfriend name drop

[WolfyStyles]

Now everyone knows when I hear someone has a boyfriend I back off 100% and just joke around but let me give you an idea that Jade Wolf and I were discusing last night about this.

There is a girl I know from a sports team who will flirt like hell and every so often drop a boyfriend comment. It has nothing to do with the convo so i dont delve into it. Then more flirty than another boyfriend comment. Now she is the one who starts convos and doesnt want to end it.

Does she have a boyfriend? Maybe but the signs point to no, or she is attracted to me.

My thoughts are simple. She brings him up for no reason, and then instantly he is out of the convo. This is also usually around massive IOI's indicators of interest for those who are new here. It is probably a tactic to remind herself she is taken. Or it is her trying to use a false disquaifier on me.

I'm sure jade wolf can shed some light on this.

[JadeWolf]

Wolfy is on the right track. She could be trying to show herself as taken when she really isn't. Some woman do this to validate themselves to men. Most men(and woman) are very primal and when it comes to a someone being taken or spoken for, that they have attraction for, they get possessive. EX: When your in preschool and some other kid has a toy and is having fun with that toy, you instantly want that toy. So you take it from them.
Now that your grown up you know its wrong to take things that don’t belong to you, but there still is that primal urge to want it. Men and woman alike know this and use it against each other. It’s wrong in my opinion and shouldn’t be done.
But yeah either this girl doesn’t really have a boyfriend and she keeps bringing up this imaginary boyfriend to validate herself and to make you want her, more then you may already.
Or she does really have a boyfriend, but is either unhappy in her relationship or attracted to you, so her continuously mentioning that she has a boyfriend is her way of reminding herself as well as you that she has one and that she isn’t the type of girl to cheat.

To find out which it is, the best way I feel is to flat out be cocky and ask her about her boyfriend. Just a random question when she mentions him. Something like “So your boyfriend.. how did you meet him.” Or “ oh you have a boyfriend? Hope he treats you right, a girl like you needs a good guy. He’s lucky” then wink.

[weakestlink]

David D mentioned a line in his mailing list a few weeks back that falls into your genre, Jade. "It looks like your boyfriend doesn't spank you enough"

I prefer more to do a freeze out of sorts if a women drops a mention of a boyfriend... If she really has a boyfriend, then I have essentially backed off of her... If she peruses me and tries to reattain my attention, I'll give it back to her, but as I gain a little more rapport I will casually ask her about her boyfriend

Mystery talks about this a bit, and he believes that a women usually throws this out when you have shown too much interest too fast... He doesn't usually believe that she really has a boyfriend and has a lot of theories about the differences between a women saying she has a boyfriend when its the truth and when she claims to have a boyfriend as a false-disqualifier or to back you off a bit

However, I would personally rather err on the cautious side and disregard a lot of what mystery preaches on these scenarios... Although I think a lot of what he has discovered is true, there is still a lot of gray area you could fall into

[WolfyStyles]

Originally Posted by weakestlink

David D mentioned a line in his mailing list a few weeks back that falls into your genre, Jade. "It looks like your boyfriend doesn't spank you enough"

I prefer more to do a freeze out of sorts if a women drops a mention of a boyfriend... If she really has a boyfriend, then I have essentially backed off of her... If she peruses me and tries to reattain my attention, I'll give it back to her, but as I gain a little more rapport I will casually ask her about her boyfriend I personally dont like this idea in most cases. It proves you were hitting on them

Mystery talks about this a bit, and he believes that a women usually throws this out when you have shown too much interest too fast... He doesn't usually believe that she really has a boyfriend and has a lot of theories about the differences between a women saying she has a boyfriend when its the truth and when she claims to have a boyfriend as a false-disqualifier or to back you off a bit yes and no in my opinion

However, I would personally rather err on the cautious side and disregard a lot of what mystery preaches on these scenarios... Although I think a lot of what he has discovered is true, there is still a lot of gray area you could fall into

..........................

[lordcaine]

To provide yet another perspective, I don't think a line like that has to have an impact on your game at all. It could easily be an automatic defense, and even if she keeps going back to it doesn't make it true, and even if it is true, nobody OWNS another person. A free person can choose at any given moment what they want, and if you are better for them then they have every right to choose to be closer to you.

If she is truly happy and fulfilled in that relationship, and you can't offer something she doesn't already have, then you are fighting a losing battle from the beginning against all the time that was already invested in that relationship, and you're not going to turn her no matter how good you are. (Tho there are exceptions to every rule). But if you can offer something she doesn't already have, or give her what she's missing, then she has the right to be able to choose to take it, and whether to give up what she already has or to keep it.

Every person, man or woman, has the right to choose their own destiny, at every given moment, and to make the choices that are right for them. I would never be so presumptuous as to limit someone else's options just because of a statement they made, especially if it might be false or founded in ill-conceived notions which may not in fact mesh with reality.